The results of a year long study have been published today, with the alarming conclusion that allotments may be harming our childrens’ health. The study, commissioned by the Government’s Minister for Children, was asked to investigate the impact of the recent “grow your own” craze on children.
Whilst many commentators were surprised by the conclusions drawn, Mrs P, an experienced allotment holder and mother of two from West London agreed with the findings. “It all started with good intentions” she told our reporter. “I thought it would be good to take the children to the allotment to see where food comes from. I even planned to discuss the concept of growing food organically with them. But, after seeing blackfly infested broad beans, maggots in pea pods and whitefly on brassicas, the list of vegetables they’ll eat has reduced dramatically. I’m at my wit’s end. The final straw was when my eight year old found blossom end rot on her tomato plants last weekend. She used to love tomatoes. My advice to all grow your own enthusiasts is keep your children well away.”
A local council spokesman who declined to be named said “Thank *** for some common sense at last. Now we can get on with flogging all that land to developers at a huge profit which will do no end of good for my chances of re-election.”
gone to seed 
Your post made me smile 🙂 The more I try to encourage my children to get involved in gardening, the less interested they seem to be. Perhaps I should try banning gardening for a while and see if that generates some interest!